


the big reveal

by pipercase



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-30 00:32:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16754443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipercase/pseuds/pipercase
Summary: Cartman and Kyle don’t realize how bad they’ve been at hiding their new relationship.





	the big reveal

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a prompt fill for creo (@creatortan on here, go read her fics they’re the best) but it got too long so I’m posting it here

“Do they seriously think we don’t already know?” Kenny asked. 

He picked up Cartman’s cat and cuddled him to his chest, nuzzling his nose in his gray fur. Stan sat in Cartman’s swiveling desk chair and shrugged. 

“Apparently not, dude. I don’t get it at all.” 

“Well gee, I don’t really get it neither.” Butters added from his spot next to a Kenny on the bed. 

“For someone so smart, Kyle sure can be an idiot sometimes.” 

Cartman and Kyle had been not-so-secretly dating for almost a month now, attempting to hide their relationship despite the fact that nearly everyone had already caught on. 

“I went to the bathroom during fifth period yesterday, and I swear to God they were making out in the handicapped stall.” Kenny said. Stan gagged, but Butters actually tilted his head to the side and smiled. 

Their crushes on each other had been exceedingly obvious for ages, but it was about a month ago that Kenny realized that they must be officially dating. They’d come into school one Monday with the same lovestruck glow about them. 

“I think it’s sweet.” Butters admitted. “Eric’s been telling me how fond he is about Kyle for years now.” 

Weirdly, Cartman and Butters had remained pretty good friends throughout the years. Butters, along with Kenny, was sort of like Cartman’s confidant. 

“Kyle’s liked him for a while now too.” Stan said.

Kenny appeared shocked by that, giving Stan a look of utter disbelief. He’d always assumed that Kyle would rather die than willingly admit his secret feelings for Cartman out loud. 

“You mean Kyle actually told you that he had a crush on Cartman?” Kenny asked. 

Stan shook his head.

“Of course not.” He clarified. “But I know Kyle well enough to know when he has feelings for someone.” 

“Neither of them are too good at bein’ subtle.” Butters pointed out. “They’re always starin’ at each other and stuff.” 

“I hope they get this announcement over with quickly.” Stan said. “I have a date in like an hour, and I haven’t even showered yet.” 

“Knowing Kyle, there’s probably gonna be a speech involved.” 

“Yeah. And knowin’ Eric, he’ll probably throw a parade or something.” 

The pair had called their friends to Cartman’s house to ‘discuss something very important’ then abandoned the three of them in Cartman’s bedroom room while they spoke in low voices downstairs and presumably planned how they were going to address the topic. 

“Can they move this shit along?” Stan complained. “God, Wendy’s gonna kill me if I’m late.” 

“And if I don’t get home soon I’m gonna be grounded.” Butters added nervously. 

Kenny set down Mr Kitty, slid off of the bed, and moved toward the door, putting his ear against the wall. 

“Fuck!” He hissed suddenly, rushing back to his spot. “They’re coming!” 

“Fuckin’ finally.” Stan muttered. 

The boys braced themselves for the grand entrance and sure enough, the door practically flew off the hinges a few moments later as Cartman tore through it. He could never enter a room quietly. 

Kyle followed closely behind him looking anxious but determined, his eyesbrows knitted together the way they would be if he was focusing intently on a math problem. 

“Cartman and I have something to tell you.” Kyle said, his hands folded in front of him. 

His voice was almost comically serious, causing Stan and Kenny to exchange eye rolls when he wasn’t looking. This whole thing was so fucking pointless. 

“Do tell, Kyle.” Kenny said, barely holding back a snort of laughter.

Kyle opened his mouth to speak but closed it just as quickly, throwing his hands in the air and looking pleadingly at Cartman. 

“Can you tell them?” He asked. 

The stress he was experiencing was so visible in his face and body language that Kenny felt a stab of guilt. Though it might seem like a funny situation from his perspective, something about it was clearly eating away at Kyle. Maybe he thought his friends would think less of him for not being straight, or for dating Cartman. 

“Relax, dude.” Stan said sympathetically. 

Cartman, to his credit, seemed equally concerned. He put a hand on Kyle’s shoulder and spoke in a voice his friends had never heard him use before. It was calm, soothing, and sincerely affectionate. 

“Take a deep breath, Kyle.” He said firmly. “You wanna do this another time?” 

Kyle shook his head, looking almost offended by the idea that he would give up. That slight shift in his face made Kenny feel better. This was Kyle, he reminded himself. Kyle was the strongest, most fearless person in the fucking world. Kyle never backed down from a challenge, and he would most likely be pissed the hell off if he knew that Kenny had felt worried about him only moments before. 

“Of course I don’t want to do this another time.” Kyle said, shaking off Cartman’s hand. 

“Can one of you just say it already?” Stan said, his tone growing thick with agitation. 

Kyle wrung his hands and looked at Cartman. Then he looked at Kenny, then Butters, then Stan. He did a quick glance over the wall directly in front of him, clearly stalling, before Cartman gave him a helpful nudge in the side with his elbow. 

“Just say it, Kyle.” He muttered. Kyle seemed to resign himself, nodding, and took a deep breath. 

“Cartman and I are dating!” He blurted out, his eyes darting quickly between his friends’ to gauge their responses. 

Kenny cheered excitedly, Butters smiled, and Stan’s expression didn’t change at all. He stood from the chair he was in, and Kyle’s heart stopped for a moment as he thought his best friend was about to leave. 

“Great. Wonderful.” He said. “I’m really happy for you, Kyle, but I have to go now, okay? Call me later, because I’m sure you have a whole thing prepared.” 

And with that Stan was out the door, the sound of his footsteps racing down the stairs echoing into the silence he left behind. 

“Wait, what?” Kyle said when he was gone. “What the fuck was that about?” 

“He had plans with Wendy.” Kenny explained. 

“His best friend just confessed something that shocking, and his date with Wendy is still more important? What a little bitch!” 

Kyle sounded characteristically furious, all of the nervousness from before transforming into anger. Kenny jumped to Stan’s defense, shaking his head. 

“Kyle, buddy, I hate to break it to you,” He said, “but absolutely no one is shocked by this revelation.” 

“We all called it weeks ago!” Butters said. “And we’re gonna support you no matter what!” 

Kyle wilted, turning to look at Cartman for a second as though trying to decide whether this was some big joke he had known about the whole time, but all Cartman did was shrug. Kyle seemed satisfied with this and quickly turned his attention back to Kenny and Butters. 

“...how long have you guys known?” He asked. 

Kenny thought it over for a second, calculating the time that had passed. Two weeks ago was when he almost caught them holding hands, so it was before that. And the week before that was when he noticed Kyle receiving a bunch of a heart emoji texts....

“Maybe a month ago now?” He said. “We could all tell, like, the day after you guys got together.”

“Yeah!” Butters said. “Cause Eric was staring at you all lovestruck and gooey during class. Well, even more lovestruck than he normally looks around you.”

Cartman turned pink and groaned, muttering something about how much he hated Butters and Kenny. Kyle, meanwhile, looked totally disillusioned, staring off into the middle distance of Cartman’s room as though he’d just discovered the secrets to the Universe.

“Who the fuck cares, Kyle?” Cartman said. “No one has a problem with it, so everything is totally cool.” 

Kyle completely ignored that comment, still seeming somewhat perturbed by the idea that his secret had been so poorly hidden. He shook his head after a moment, clearing his thoughts, and shrugged. 

“I guess that’s true. You know, this actually went a lot better than I expected.” 

“Same.” Cartman agreed. “Now let’s kick these two assholes out of my house so we can make out or whatever.” 

Kyle made some indignant sound of protest, and Kenny grabbed Butters by the wrist and pulled him toward the door before they could get trapped in the middle of whatever argument was about to ensue. 

“We’ll leave you two to whatever weird shit you’ve been doing for the last month!” He called as they departed. 

As the two of them descended the stairs they could hear Kyle’s voice increasing in volume and Cartman’s rushing to keep up, yelling back just as loudly. Their voices reached a crescendo and then, suddenly, there was a suspicious silence. 

“They’re making out now, aren’t they?” Butters asked, wrinkling his nose. Kenny laughed.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

**Author's Note:**

> follow me @cartmanfindslove on tumblr and request kyman shit if you want uwu


End file.
